SOMEONE BENEFITS OUT OF YOUR INSECURITIES .

What is that one thing that you wish you could change about yourself? Could it be the texture of your hair,your teeth, your feet, your smile, your Boobs or your acne?. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what is that one thing you wish you could really change?. At some point I really wished I could change my ethnicity, because I felt like no matter how far I got, its just always easier to be white. In fact I hated being black. I remember my mom asking me what I wanted to become when I grew up, and I responded that I wanted to be white. And I wanted to be adopted by a white family. Is it only me or I'm just crazy, I even hated God for the fact that he saw it best for me to be African, why me?, i’d ask myself. 

So everytime I was in the presence of white people, i’d always feel so inferior and powerless.Even  In conversations I would  literally feel my English crawling out of my mouth and flying out the window. See,out of my own insecurities, subconsciously I transferred dominion and my power to them, which made them feel more confident about the color of their skin. We feed of each others energies, its important to understand that.

I watched a Tyra bank’s show shown the other day, she was interviewing a young black women, potentially in her late twenties, about the  traumatic experience she went through after she had undergone a butt increase surgery. Her boyfriend had convinced her to increase the size of her butt. Nigga told her every girl in the strip clubs and magazines were doing it, it was normal. That is when she went online  to search for a suitable surgeon to do the procedure. She opted to look for surgeons in the black market, because its really an expensive procedure if you do it through a certified surgeon. She didn't calculate the risk to that because according to  her boyfriend, ”everygirl was doing it and they looked perfectly fine”. So she had nothing to worry about. 

See her boyfriend’s intentions was to feed the fantasies he had about girls with bigger booties he saw or met, in clubs. So selfish. Anyway, she immediately got a contact online and started the process. It was a dodgy process from the word go. She was not allowed to contact them, they did. To cut the story short, it was a procedure that almost cost her, her life. They injected into her bum a certain product/ chemical that's not even meant to be in human flesh. They had to cut her butt open, and extract the contents from her ass at a length of about 7cm deep.Yeap that's how bad it was. And that bastard of a boyfriend left her because she couldn't be intimate with him anymore.

It cost her financially and emotionally to go through that, and what did she get in return?, permanent scars and a lifetime of pain and regret. I know how much of a good job society does in making us feel less beautiful, feel as though we are not  good enough. It does an exceptional job. Beauty standards are portrayed everywhere, in broadcast media, print media, social media. It's all in our faces, its really hard to ignore. You buy a magazine, the first thing you lay your eyes on, a cover girl depicting a certain kind of beauty. You explore your feed on Instagram, a dozen photos that will have you look twice in the mirror, you will find yourself searching for products to use to try to be at least close to that beauty standard. We live in a crazy world.The beauty industry is making billions out of our in securities, from cosmetic surgeries, hair, make up, clothing. It's all a trap.

Insecurities stem from the fear that your not enough, or they may come from not wanting to lose what you already have, and most times its your brain telling you to improve something or change directions.I've been insecure before so many times, its a battle even now, but at least now know how to deal with those thoughts whenever they try to attack my psyche. I just quickly replace them with positive thoughts instead. I do the mirror talk. ”Zama you are beautiful ”, ” you are enough”, ” you have a beautiful body”. I use this quote I read from ”The Monk who sold his Ferrari”, it reads,” I am More than what I appear to be, the strength and power of this world lies inside of me”. So that statement on its own, brings the security that I can't be weighed down by societal standards. Really I am worth more than what I see with flesh.Its really deeper than that.Even the Bible does say, I like my home language translation of it” tintfo talamhlabeni tilite lelite”. And once you master how to draw from within. This verse starts making more sense.

Often times our insecurities severely cripple us if we allow them. Instead,use your insecurity as a drive to help you become a better version of yourself. I think that fear leads to insecurities, meaning you waking up at 5am in the morning to go for a jog instead of sleeping in, is derived from you being afraid of getting fat or being unhealthy. Waking up at midnight to study for that exam, its fear that you might fail if you don't wake up. What thoughts do you have about yourself? And how many of those thoughts come from a state of positivity?. The sad reality is most times feelings of inadequecy,  run in our minds more that we validate ourselves with feelings of Potency and self love. This is reality, and I believe these topics should be addressed. And we need to be a community of young black women that celebrate each other instead of shaming and putting each other down. Embrace yourself and love all your imperfections, as they were presented to you by the universe.

I really wish I could go on, but I'm tired, and I need a nap.☺️