WHO ARE YOU WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING?

Who Am I when no one is watching?. Such a difficult question right. Even more complex when you trying to understand what ” Social conditioning is”. Trying to comprehend what role media has played in shaping what I perceive as ”reality”. The past two weeks I've been analysing the back of a woven picture. Beautifully crafted,  the craftsmanship looks complicated though,one line on top of the other, with no clear pattern of how each thread could possibly contribute to making this picture look the way it looks. When you look at the front, you just can't help but admire its beauty.

You’d display it in a gallery, or

on a wall in your house,have it admired  by whoever sets an eye on it. However,How is it that what makes it look beautiful on the exterior looks pretty ugly from the back.Then I made a comparison to my personal pictures, then I pondered.I looked at it from an admirers perspective. They see Beautiful, well dressed. Happy moments, good times, great memories. Just like in the picture, they don't see from the artist's angle. They don't know about the mix mash of threads dangling on top of the other. They don't need to know, or should they?

Did I mention 8 in 10 times I post a picture, I am not ok. I battle with demons than what's on the surface.That picture I posted 2minutes ago, with the hash tag ” #happylife #goodtimes. I was actually walking back from a rejected interview. The one before that with the purple dress, that one, well I had just broken up with my partner. The one with a group of friends, we are not that close.I sing the usual anthem all the time in phone calls, chats. ”I’m great yourself ”, I'm ok, things are going well”.  Is it really? I am screaming silently probably every 5 minutes. Sometimes it's hard to silence these demons. So who am I when no one is watching?

I went out for  lunch and paid with my last, still trying to maintain the standard, fit in the social space, only to come  back home to an empty fridge. Bills due, the pressure, is it really necessary?