Thorns in my soul

Try Remember a day you had a thorn under your foot; the excruciating pain you felt trying to poke it out: When you touch it; the pain feels like death: leaving it untouched still feels like being hit by a train, so At that moment you only have two options: it’s either you find something to numb your pain, or face the monster and just poke it out. So let’s say you decide to numb the pain.You create boundaries for people not to get anywhere close to you. At night you have your leg hanging on a tied rope by your bed just so you don’t make that mistake of getting too comfortable in your sleep, otherwise it’s hell. You decide to get yourself a wheelchair, to manuva comfortably   Basically you’ve decided to accommodate this pain in your life. You’ve made room for it,It hasn’t left, it’s still there, it still lingers on you, Every single day. Or  let’s assume you decide to remove it. It’s  an extremely unbearable pain that will probably be for a few seconds, but after that comes freedom and flexibility to carry on with  life right.? That’s only physical, now imagine  the same kind of experience happening internally, in your soul. We are all hiding behind an image, to protect ourselves from hurt. We smile to hide the horror  movie that’s playing within ourselves. We don’t want to deal with rejection, we all want to be liked, we want to be perfect, we constantly need approval and when we don’t get that, we feel unworthy. Those kind of experiences build up and create this platom bomb of hurt. How do you think people hide that? Like the thorn under your foot. You try so hard for someone to pay attention to you by pretending to be someone you not, intoxicating your mind with substances as an escape . When you are lonely, you find yourself pondering about what to do with your loneliness. That doesn’t solve the fact that you lonely, trying to  be-friend the whole town or marrying someone who you think will make you feel less lonely, won’t change the feeling of loneliness, but instead you are protecting yourself from it. Should someone die or leave you, the Loneliness will disturb you again.So often you even forget to approve yourself , how is your self talk? How often do you talk to self ? and tell her how proud you are, how much you love her, that you forgive her for doing A, B,C but so often we wait for someone else to say it and somehow that feels more assuring than getting it from yourself.Dealing with the root of the agony that goes on within is the main reason I’m writing this piece. If you don’t deal with the main root of the problem but instead try to protect yourself from the problem,it ends up running your life, Until you decide to remove that thorn, your hurt and fears will constantly be tied in your ankle. Imagine swimming in an ocean with a dead body tied to your ankle. You will drown eventually. So before you drown yourself Cater to your soul. You need to be your own physician, fix yourself everyday. Let go of all  that clouds your phyche. If you want to be free you must first accept that there is pain in your heart.


~Zamashengu